March 28, 2014
I hAD a dtroke. its stupid. now im a retard kind of. i cant walk anym0re. or type. when i close my eyes i think i am a snowflake but im not.
April 5, 2014
The last stroke entry was when I just got out of my third surgery, was still in ICU and on lots of drugs. A lot has happened since then. I am home now and I have to type in my journal for physical therapy. I hate it. My left side has been pretty affected by the stroke mostly my fine motor skills in my fingers. I literally have to retrain the left side of my body like a freaking baby. ok. I am done typing for today. Tomorrow I will write about what happened.
May 26, 2014
Ok...so I didn't finish the stroke story the next day like I said I would but that is because typing is a huge pain in the butt right now and I really don't ever want to do it. It is really great rehab for my left hand though. I literally went from typing 65 wpm to 11 wpm over night. I guess I should record what happened in my own words though.
So, on March 16, 2014 we flew into Las Vegas. It was a really long flight with Harvey being 18 months old and Jorgen 5 months old. The week we left Germany was one of the most stressful weeks I have ever had with having to pack and clean out our apartment, pack for the states, take care of the babies and I was also training for a half marathon I was hoping to run in Hurricane at the end of April. About 4 or 5 days before we left Germany, I went on a run in the Great Garden. For some reason that 3 mile run was particularly rough and afterwards I got a crazy migraine.(I think this was the beginning) That is not an uncommon thing for me and I really didn't think much of it. The headache lingered for a few days but I just figured it was from stress. I was keeping it at bay with ibeprophen and caffeine with the knowledge that I would be in the states with my dad in a few days when I could finally get an adjustment.
The flight was rough. Harvey and Jorgen were pretty good and Harvey only had a couple of little meltdowns but it was harder than past flights. I still had that lingering headache but it wasnt unbearable.
We got to Saint George in the evening of March 15, 2014 in pretty good condition.
The next morning I was really feeling terrible and I stood up to the world spinning. I had vertigo like no other. I saw my Dad and told him to grab me something to throw up into. He grabbed a garbage can from next to him in his office and I just started puking my guts out. He tried to help to stop the spinning but nothing helped except closing my eyes as tight as I could, which also only gave me a little relief. I threw up at least every 5 minutes for hours. I remember wondering how I could possibly puke again because there was absolutely nothing in me.
This went on for 24 hours before my parents took me to a doctor named Dr Graff.He's a doctor that specializes in helping people get the demons out of them.I really believe in what he does but it didn't help me this time.By now my memory is very blotchy of this situation.After Dr Graff I don't remember anything.That is, until I woke up in the hospital.
A few days later, I woke up and I was in the hospital.My family told me I had a stroke that I was OK.I had surgery,my brain swelled and I was in the ICU in the St George Hospital. I guess I really gave everybody a big scare.That's all I remember that day but I am told that I said a lot of really funny things while I was on drugs.My sisters were taking care of my babies.Harvey was with Aileen and Jorgen was with Anna.I hadn't stopped breastfeeding yet and Anna still was breastfeeding Dane so she just took Jorgen and started feeding him too.Charity came from Idaho.Lots and lots of people were there for me.I don't really remember very many of them.But they tell me I was very alert from minute to minute.I truly believe that all those people and their prayers are what kept me alive.
I had a major cerebellum stroke.Half of my cerebellum is dead and a little bit going into the right side.It could have affected me really badly.It should have affectedme very badly. But all that affected was the left half of my body's coordination and my balance.I started walking just a couple of days after I woke up,physical therapy started very quickly, and I was improving really fast.At first my speech was very slurred and really slow.But it quickly came back without any therapy.Harvey and Jorgen would come and visit me everyday which really helped me and gave me a reason to want to live.They're so sweet and so little.I'm really thankful they won't remember this.
A few days after I was awake and in the ICU,my dad noticed that the cerebral spinal fluid was no longer clear and starting to be pink.That is a really bad sign.It meant that there was something in my brain that was not right.They did a cat scan where they saw a mass in my brain.They weren't sure if it was cancer or what.So I had an MRI which showed that it was blood.That meant I had to have another major brain surgery.Once again I don't remember any of this.But apparently I told my mom I was going to die.I remember them bringing me a picture of my family. Me, Cedric, Harvey, and Jorgen in front of the temple just a few months earlier.I am positive that that is why I was here at surgery.At this point I already knew that I had a long recovery ahead of me.I didn't want to have to deal with that.I was not afraid of dying.I even thought to myself "Harvey and Jorgen are so young they won't even remember me.Cedric is very intelligent and handsome so it won't be very long for him to find a new wife.They would be taken care of. "then my mom brought that picture and I had a new will to live.I want to be there for my babies.I want to go to the soccer games,see their first dates and try to teach them in the gospel.I want to be their mommy.I want to hold Cedric in my arms.I don't want to share him.That might be selfish but it definitely kept me alive.
After I left the hospital, I went to an acute rehab center where they did 3 hours of therapy with me everyday. It was very helpful.
A month after I got home from the hospital, a bunch of liquid started gathering on the back of my head.It was really uncomfortable and I started throwing up uncontrollably again.Finally we went to the emergency room and they put me back in the hospital.I had another surgery where they took the liquid off my brain and put a drain in.That made me have to stay in the hospital again for a couple of weeks. It was a very long couple of weeks.I think that was mostly because I wasn't so drugged up and I could completely think for myself.But it was a good time for healing. I've now been home from that procedure for almost 3 weeks.Anna has been taken care of my kids because this time I realized that I needed a lot more healing time.Brain healing is a very interesting thing.I often feel better than I actually am.I don't hurt,I just get tired. Luckily I don't have headaches, my nausea is gone, and I feel generally great.
It's been almost 3 months since I went to the hospital and I have recovered a lot.I can walk pretty well on my own.Honestly my only complaint is the crazy insomnia.I cannot sleep at night no matter what I do.But I'm not willing to get addicted to sleep medication so I'm just dealing with it.
June 17, 2014
It's been 3 months tomorrow that I stroked. They tell me it will take 6 months to a year to fully recover. I think it will be closer to a year. Yes, I have come really far, but I am also 25. I feel like I should be better by now. The frustration is that I am more than half the age of the normal stroker...more like two thirds the age AND I have been very faithfully taking Balance of Nature. So I truly gave myself 3 months before I totally recovered. Well...it's been 3 months and I'm still typing 17 WPM. But I am not hitting caps lock every time I go for the "a" key. So I know I am getting better. I just want to be all better.
Wow, thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you will keep progressing so well. Our prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteI almost could read the whole thing... Those are really sad memories.
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