Keep on keepin on

Hello everyone!  Haven't heard from me in a while, ey?  Life has been kind of rough lately to be honest.  I don't know why I complain so much, I have a very blessed life and I know it.  My husband is absolutely amazing, my boys are adorable and well behaved (thank you family and Ellen) and I am getting better and better.  Honestly though, getting better is really rough.  The unbearable things are much less but I am afraid they are permanent.  My stroke was March 17, 2014...I am not the kind of person that remembers those kind of details of terrible incidents but it happened the day after I came to the states and is pretty much the reason I am still here.  It's the reason Cedric has to put off school, the reason I live in (but please don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for this) my parents basement, the reason I don't want anymore children, can't take care of my own children, don't speak German, I have terrible insomnia, have short dark hair, I truly fight real depression for the first time in my life and everything else in my life right now that was ripped away from me.

I remember right before we came to the states, not even a week before, I looked around and got butterflies in my stomach about how much I loved my life at that point.  I had the perfect loving, spiritual, handsome husband, the most beautiful and adorable baby boys, I lived in a cute apartment in the best city in Germany that was ours along with everything in it, my boys were the only Ebisch grandchildren in Germany and getting to know their Oma, Opa and Uncle Adrian, and so many other things that made my life great.  I loved my life...then a week passed by and that was all gone.

It has been a year and I am still complaining.  I am so sick of getting better.  What a brat I am, I know.  It could have been worse. I could have died, right?  Now people, don't take this the wrong way but dying would have been a lot easier than years of healing.  Why did it have to be a stroke?  It is such a SLOW and EXPENSIVE process!  

Ok so on to better things.  I am done talking about me and on to talking about some people in my life that make me very happy.

Harvey and Jorgen are growing so much and so fast.  Harvey talks and talks but doesn't really say much.  He says a whole lot of very high pitched ";lkjs;lkjd;lkj;lfa" in a conversational tone with a random word like "choo choo train" in the middle.  He loves going to church because he loves nursery.  Pretty much every day, he goes to the shoe closet, brings me his Sunday shoes and says "chuch? chuch? I wanna go chuch!"  Then when I tell him it's not time for church he says "Trina's house?" or "Ellen's House?" or "Anna's house?"  Pretty much anywhere that there are other kids.  He is a very social little thing. I think my favorite thing he does right now is say "bye bye poo poo!  I love you!" Whenever he flushes the toilette.

Jorgen is growing out of the baby stage really fast.  He walks now and is starting to talk a lot.  He is a little tease.  He teases Harvey just to make him scream already.  It's funny now.  He LOVES my mom.  If my Mom leaves the room without acknowledging him, he just cries and cries.  He will say "love mommy" and copies whatever I tell him to say. It's adorable.  I am thinking about potty training...but I don't think I'm ready for it yet.  He is though.  He only has two distinguishing looks.  He either looks totally bored and doesn't have a clue or his whole face lights up when he smiles.

Cedric is just as amazing as ever.  He is so incredibly patient with me.  Even though it has been a year of hell for him too, you will never hear him say a bad thing or complain.  Ever.  I look up to him so much.  It has been harder for him than anyone, even me.  But he has just accepted it and stepped up to the plate man.  I love him so much.  I may not have much motivation to keep on trekking but he is enough for me.  I want myself back for his sake.  I am so in love with that man.

Well, I am sorry for being so random with this blog but I hope this kind of brings people up to date.  It really helps me to write this blog...but it doesn't help me when others feel sorry for me.  Everyone has their hard thing in life to deal with and through all the pain and trial, I would still take this over experiences other people have had.  So don't feel sorry for me but please do put out some good energy or pray or whatever you believe in for me that I can start sleeping.  Thank you for reading friends!